So here’s the scenario. You have been eying an extremely valuable piece of RSM heritage that you know is securely locked away in the heart of the Mines building. You’re a trouble maker who wants to steal this mascot and hold it to ransom with a view to extracting hundreds of pounds (and a couple of stolen Guilds jackets) from the RSM mafia. How do you do it?
Do you hatch a sophisticated plan to drill in to the RSM office from above, below or through the door? Do you seduce the RSM President and procure the office key at an opportune moment? Or do you simply ask a dopey security guard for a key to the office, then walk in and straight out moments later brandishing a huge Davy lamp?
Yes, ladies and gentlemen of the Guilds, it appears that lax security in the RSM building has resulted in the first theft of the RSM mascot, the Davy Lamp, that has occurred at Imperial for nearly a decade.
An underground organisation, which identifies itself as the “Trojan Horse”, has sent an ultimatum to the RSM President, Leah Glass, that reads as follows:
“Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!
Davy likes his new home but he might just come back in return for a £300 donation to RAG and the Guilds blazers that are in the possession of the RSM mafia!
Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!
Love from the Trojan Horse
PS: You might want to have a quiet word with your security guard as this was frankly way too easy!”
Commentators have suggested that this action may be seeking to avenge the humiliating theft of Spanner at this year’s freshers’ fair. Others simply believe that this is yet another example of one Guilds hack who has far too much free time on his hands. Either way the Davy Lamp is presently not in the RSM Building, and the RSM Mafia are completely in the dark.
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