Thursday night's CGCU slave auction saw an evening of mayhem, raising nearly £1,000 from the auction alone. Nearly half of that was for ICU President John Collins, who has a very special task to perform.
The hit squad staged two hits on CGCU President James Fok during the course of the evening, with another surprise in store for ICU President John Collins too. Not one to be left out, Jad Marrouche had previously been set upon by the hit squad during the RCSU Lecturer's Quiz (which the RCSU Exec team went on to win).
The evening started out slowly, with MatSoc chair Elly Jay going for the bargain price of £10, despite a higher offer from RCS Motor Club who are always on the lookout for someone to give their Fire Engine a good polishing. RCS Motor have indicated to Live! that they are willing to negotiate with Elly's new owner. Former CGCU President Siddarth Singh only managed £11, but then he is a little strange and quite difficult to shut up when you want some peace and quiet.
CGCU President James Fok was sold for the tiny sum of £9 to Elly Jay, which is probably a bit too much money given his small stature. That's about £8.99 per metre.
Following RAG's theft of the Guilds decoy Spanner at Freshers' Fair in October, it was decided to get revenge. Carelessness on the part of the RAG chair Stephen Brown led to the RAG mascot being violated during the course of the evening by an intrepid and highly skilled band of Guildsmen.
CGCU hopes that the money raised during the evening will be enough to secure return of the very valuable doorstop that is the decoy Spanner - keeping good ventilation in the Guilds office has been challenging without a sensible method of propping the door open.
The Real Money
Luke Taylor raised £45 and ?50 by going head-to-head with ICU President John Collins in a yard competition. Taylor also offered to double any money given, which by Live!'s calculation is around £77 given a fair exchange rate. For the uninitiated, the Union bar has a number of yard glasses, which hold 3 pints (a yard!), available for special occasions. Luke Taylor took the Guilds yard, while ICU President John Collins took the soft option ... a pint. ACC Chair Luke Taylor won by a good margin, although looked a little worse for wear afterwards. The total in GBP once Mr Taylor has made his contribution should be around £154.
Nearly half the total all evening was raised by a combined bid for ICU President John Collins, following a suggestion from Felix. For the bargain price of £450 the ICU President will enter the X Factor, wearing a pink leotard and singing the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps". The sabbs turned against Mr Collins, with both Jon Matthews and Ben "Fluffy" Harris offering £50 each. Felix, former CGCU President Siddarth Singh and assorted others all offered a contribution to the bid.
The other sabbs were deemed far less valuable, with Jon Matthews going for £60 to Dave Parry and "Fluffy" Harris managing just £2 to Jad Marrouche.
The sale of RCSU President Jad Marrouche caused a whole load of fuss, with £70 bid for a yard competition against James Fok. A further £10 was added for a miner to join the fray. The two Presidents went up against the RSM Treasurer in a 3-way yard contest: what better way to celebrate the Centenary than to have representatives from the the three original constituent college unions fighting it out with beer? Despite his small size and tendency to turn pink after consuming alcohol, James Fok beat both his competitors, calling a victory Boomalaka afterwards.
A Fok/Marrouche gladiator-style fight was included in the auction bid, but was reduced to an arm wrestle given the dangers of jousting from bar stools after drinking three pints in 60 seconds. The scientists took that round, but made way for John Collins to take on a couple of girls ... and lose to them both.
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Altogether the auction bids should raise nearly £1,000 for RAG, assuming everyone pays up. The bid for John Collins is almost certainly secure, but get in touch with RAG at [email protected] if you would like to contribute to the fund. Live! looks forwards to the new series of the X Factor appearing later on this year.