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Guilds Slave Auction Raises £1,000 (nearly)

Feb 09 2007 01:41
Ashley Brown
Thursday night's CGCU slave auction raised nearly £1,000 for RAG, with beer, cream, water and silly string all flowing throughout the night.
MatSoc Chair Elly Jay tames her slave, CGCU President James Fok

Thursday night's CGCU slave auction saw an evening of mayhem, raising nearly £1,000 from the auction alone. Nearly half of that was for ICU President John Collins, who has a very special task to perform.

CGCU President James Fok gets creamed

The hit squad staged two hits on CGCU President James Fok during the course of the evening, with another surprise in store for ICU President John Collins too. Not one to be left out, Jad Marrouche had previously been set upon by the hit squad during the RCSU Lecturer's Quiz (which the RCSU Exec team went on to win).

The evening started out slowly, with MatSoc chair Elly Jay going for the bargain price of £10, despite a higher offer from RCS Motor Club who are always on the lookout for someone to give their Fire Engine a good polishing. RCS Motor have indicated to Live! that they are willing to negotiate with Elly's new owner. Former CGCU President Siddarth Singh only managed £11, but then he is a little strange and quite difficult to shut up when you want some peace and quiet.

CGCU President James Fok was sold for the tiny sum of £9 to Elly Jay, which is probably a bit too much money given his small stature. That's about £8.99 per metre.


Guilds now have the RAG mascot

Following RAG's theft of the Guilds decoy Spanner at Freshers' Fair in October, it was decided to get revenge. Carelessness on the part of the RAG chair Stephen Brown led to the RAG mascot being violated during the course of the evening by an intrepid and highly skilled band of Guildsmen.

CGCU hopes that the money raised during the evening will be enough to secure return of the very valuable doorstop that is the decoy Spanner - keeping good ventilation in the Guilds office has been challenging without a sensible method of propping the door open.

The Real Money

Pint vs Yard

Luke Taylor raised £45 and ?50 by going head-to-head with ICU President John Collins in a yard competition. Taylor also offered to double any money given, which by Live!'s calculation is around £77 given a fair exchange rate. For the uninitiated, the Union bar has a number of yard glasses, which hold 3 pints (a yard!), available for special occasions. Luke Taylor took the Guilds yard, while ICU President John Collins took the soft option ... a pint. ACC Chair Luke Taylor won by a good margin, although looked a little worse for wear afterwards. The total in GBP once Mr Taylor has made his contribution should be around £154.

Collins does X-Factor

Nearly half the total all evening was raised by a combined bid for ICU President John Collins, following a suggestion from Felix. For the bargain price of £450 the ICU President will enter the X Factor, wearing a pink leotard and singing the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps". The sabbs turned against Mr Collins, with both Jon Matthews and Ben "Fluffy" Harris offering £50 each. Felix, former CGCU President Siddarth Singh and assorted others all offered a contribution to the bid.

The other sabbs were deemed far less valuable, with Jon Matthews going for £60 to Dave Parry and "Fluffy" Harris managing just £2 to Jad Marrouche.

Centenary Honour

Mines, Guilds and the RCSU fight it out

The sale of RCSU President Jad Marrouche caused a whole load of fuss, with £70 bid for a yard competition against James Fok. A further £10 was added for a miner to join the fray. The two Presidents went up against the RSM Treasurer in a 3-way yard contest: what better way to celebrate the Centenary than to have representatives from the the three original constituent college unions fighting it out with beer? Despite his small size and tendency to turn pink after consuming alcohol, James Fok beat both his competitors, calling a victory Boomalaka afterwards.

A Fok/Marrouche gladiator-style fight was included in the auction bid, but was reduced to an arm wrestle given the dangers of jousting from bar stools after drinking three pints in 60 seconds. The scientists took that round, but made way for John Collins to take on a couple of girls ... and lose to them both.

Get Flash to see this player.

Watch John Collins lose an arm wrestle

Altogether the auction bids should raise nearly £1,000 for RAG, assuming everyone pays up. The bid for John Collins is almost certainly secure, but get in touch with RAG at if you would like to contribute to the fund. Live! looks forwards to the new series of the X Factor appearing later on this year.

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Discussion about “Guilds Slave Auction Raises £1,000 (nearly)”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
Feb 09 2007 08:51

Stephen, how dare you let Chris the Collecting tin be stollen! Even the RCS motor club with bolt cutters couldn't manage that during my tiem as chair, and that was when Chris the tin was new and even more tempting!

Feb 09 2007 09:56

Ah well, was bound to happen sooner or later.

I did warn, you Stephen.

Feb 09 2007 10:40

The moral of the story is, don't trust Guildsmen with the RAG office keys.

Feb 09 2007 12:23

Guilds shouldn't be allowed to count that as a proper mascot theft. They were too pussy to bring out their own mascot, and have broken the Mascotry agreement as set out last year by Sid. The mascots should attend every bar night, otherwise the Union's mascot is considered inviolate.

Feb 09 2007 13:44

Ah, but our replacement spanner isn't technically violate - so the agreement wasn't broken by us first!

6. Tom E   
Feb 09 2007 14:06

Does that mean its ok for you to break it too? Does it?

If someone breaks an agreement, what should you do? That's right....tell a teacher.

Ahp, no buts. Fingers on lips.


7. Sid   
Feb 09 2007 17:27

The Mascotry regulations, quite literally cost me an arm at last year's RAG Auction. The lack of presence of the mascots this year is a concern, but I guess as long as we do all the other important things like represent students, I guess its ok.

Feb 09 2007 23:28

Here's a link to the Amazon US sample of "My Humps"

Feb 10 2007 00:52

Poor Ben only going for £2. Couldn't some of those postgrads have spent some of their £2,000 pay rise on him? I would have done... And anyway he needs putting in his place. ;-)

Feb 10 2007 17:23

Right, I've updated this with a video of our dear President losing an arm wrestle, please let me know if you have any problems with it.

Feb 10 2007 17:40

She was cheating! Look at where her left hand is...

12. jess   
Feb 12 2007 00:10

can't you just lose gracefully for once, mr collins?

Feb 12 2007 09:35

I heard JC boasting in the bar that its never gonna happen because people wont pay up.

And that he'd be doing it in a tux

And take babershop singers.

I say this is shocking and we NO CONFIDENCE HIM.

Feb 12 2007 10:32

I remember Mr Collins telling me he would run from a certain well known store to the Union naked if we got the money because we wouldn't. And those there that night know what happened next. And if anyone is unsure the pictures are available for a hefty fee, especially to any media editor willing to publish them (Or might be released for free if he doesn't do this X Factor challenge).

Feb 12 2007 12:20

Oh don't worry, the money will be there. Im getting in touch with the few people who haven't paid yet today.

Feb 12 2007 16:44

where is the video of arm wrestling

17. Editor   
Feb 12 2007 17:12

In the main body at the article, towards the very end, you should see a grey box marked "Watch John Collins lose an arm wrestle". If you have Flash installed you'll see a YouTube-like video player which you can click on to play the video.

Feb 13 2007 11:55

it was great - I enjoyed it very much

Feb 16 2007 01:37

I believe the rate to run* the SNKPJ via the CGCU Slave Auction was £70 in 2002. Adjusting for inflation at 3%, that's about £81.13 now. I really hope he's worth it.

* I skated it, but I did make £70 for RAG just for showing my bits to a few tourists, so ner!

Feb 16 2007 08:38

But in 2005 the rate paid for Mr Collins to do it was around £450 I think, hyper inflation must have hit Imperial.

Feb 16 2007 14:49

At last, someone who knows it as it should be called, the Naked Kamikaze Parachute Jump, not the Harrods run!

But to correct Ex RAG Chair, I thought Mr Collins got £250 for it in 2005, not £450...

Feb 16 2007 14:54

Maybe you're right, it was a long evening.

Feb 16 2007 18:30

Whatever happened to the safe, anyway? I believe that was the last Gluids violate mascot...

Feb 22 2009 17:00

Is Ex Runner an ex sab perchance?

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