@ 31
(sigh) yet another blinkered child?..how dull.
Your wild guess would be incorrect.
Of course , I did miss the course on:
?How to Reason Like a Neanderthal and Still Remain an Upper Class Twit?. Did well in that course, dijja?
I?m feeling quite generous today, so I?ll re-interpret that ONE particular opine we?re all cheesed off about as it may relate to the nightmarish fears that free press is being so blatantly challenged ?..oh bother?
Let?s all try it through a ?skit? analogy.. Simple for simple people?have a bit of fun?
Scene: As written and presented through various and sundry London College SU webs and rags of late. Most particularly this ?article? and the very frightening Chris Mullan:
drumroll....
Curtain opens: Escalating concerns around certain SU?s disallowing military recruiting organisations to recruit and advertise via Union venues.
ICU passes a motion Council 18th February 2008
Motion to Support Student Military Organisations recruiting at Imperial College ICU Council passed a motion for their own Union. Bravo. Well Done. Easy Peasy.
After a proper p***up, ICU, Birkbeck and Royal Holloway blokes (hereinafter referred to as the ?BrownsBoyz?) are out nutting and decide it would be brill to present the same exact motion in the next ULU Senate. ?F**k all, mates, we need to get Mumsy ULU in this. We could be heroes? They were secretly hoping for a dirty weekend. But that didn?t happen - they had no johnnys (poor boffins ) so they settled on Tippex and a biro and changed all instances of ?Imperial College Union? to ?ULU? in the motion and felt properly ready to mandate away at the next ULU Senate. And so they did.
Yeh ? but it gets better?they had the President sussed as a ?leftie nutjob?. She was even cheeky enough to be honest about it, noted an objection and stated...(oh no..not that!!!) ..yesssssss?.a dreaded cultural belief. In a public forum amongst the masses!!! God?s teeth! Everything shambolic now.
Everyone is in a panic. Wringing of hands, gnashing of teeth. What shall we do?!!! No one?s ever questioned the mandate!! Mayhaps we should mandate the mandate and that will make the mandate more mandatable. Call in the Blue Meanies!!! That should have her put a sock in it. Jeezie Creezie. Tough Luck! Hard Lines.
Robbie: ?Wull, you?ve got to serve the will of the masses.!!for f**k?s sake. As President your personal rights are diddled. Brownie steps up eyes narrowed, teeth bared, full of beans, heh heh ( threatening through tightened lips) ?ya know, your position could be untenable here ?.yessssss? untenable if your don?t get us the mandated letters.
We don?t give a s**te about your beliefs. Sign the papers or you?ll have to leg it.? Pres is gutted.
Everyone feeling hunky-dory now. The mandate s**te has become dull. The masses needed more?
?By the by, what?s this about being absent from Malet Street? A disability? What disability. I can?t see a disability. Tell us, yes do tell us..just what is this disability. We all have to know? ?we must diddle your privacy and know all the details of your illness. Brownie loudly shouts ?Where?s a GP?call in the GP?? We need bloody proof is all?You owe the masses just one more pint?.of blood. GP enters
Brownie: We have found a leftie, may we burn her?
Senate BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
GP : But how do you *know* she is a leftie?
Brownie: She looks like one!
Other Senates: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
GP: Bring her forward.
(a young woman is pushed through the crowd of Senate to the Chair. She
is dressed all in black, has a motion paper tied around her face on top of her mouth, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks funny because her mouth is closed by a motion her conscience cannot support.)
Huseman I'm not a leftie, I'm not a leftie ? I?m a pacifist.
GP: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
Huseman THEY dressed me up like this.
Senate: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
Huseman And this isn't my mouth, it's a false one because of the mandate
(GP lifts up the motion to reveal the woman's real mouth, which is in.
fact rather honestl.)
GP: Well?
One Representative : Well, we did do the mouth.
GP: The mouth?
One Rep: And the Hat. But she's a leftie
Senate: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
GP Did you dress her up like this?
Senate: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
One Rep: yes.
Senate: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
Brownie (hopefully) She has got a wart..we think it could be her disability
GP: What makes you think she is a leftie?
Brownie: Well, She turned me into a gumby
(pause)
GP: a gumby
(long pause)
Brownie: I got better .almost
Intermission. Everyone gallivanting about for fags and pints.
Scene 2. Next day.
Everything?s tickety-boo. BrownsBoyz feel confident they are heroes and ULU and Pres are snookered. Mandates rule!!!! Yeh!!!
What next???
Enter BrownsBoyz: How do we tell the London masses that we bespoked this ace motion for them AND graduate to supermen by getting the lefties to ?rethink their policies? Blimey? that could make us bloody famous!!! Beeb and all. Wellllll?.Mumsy ULU is now cradling all the ?Yea? unions for military support- we want them all? we must have them all?Goldsmiths, UCL, LSE..then the world? (Maniacal laughter)
How do we convince the leftie nut jobs? Right. Gggaaaaaa ?Well aren?t we barmy? Of course!!! ULU Pres is giving us the golden letters mandating by our mandate that they should mandate their mandatees to rethink their policies. Now how do we make the entire bloody process work for us through the announcement and letters? They have to be received knowing that ULU and the Pres are serious and to be reckoned with. They are after all Mumsy ULU and the elected Pres for all the Unions. The lefties will respect that ? and the military orgs will be over the moon when they read our press and get the letters of support?.so what do we do next?
Of course!! There?s ?LIVE?!! ICU?s Web ? News and all. It all fits!!!!
Brownie: Let?s completely slag off ULU and the President TODAY through the site!! We can headline ?Dysfunctional ULU?. Brilliant!
Mumsy ULU must be getting daft by now so it would be true, wouldn?t it? Let?s be really strategical. Let?s make it very clear that ULU is operating on 2.5 sabbs. Ghhaaa. Hard lines having to see half a torso gallivanting about. I?d be honking. Yeh, since the Pres is delivering the letters, she has to have real credibility for serious acceptance and persuasion. Soooooo, let?s include the bit about the VP McQuitter and scrape words from his e-mail about Pres - like questionable ?performance and commitment? and, oh yeh, the fact that she was out almost seven entire days this term with a disability and had the bollocks to keep it private?now that?s journalism where it?s needed. Oh F**k all, let?s put it all in there and Bob?s your uncle!!!. Smashing strategy.!
BrownsBoyz have found their johnnys and are off to the local pub to do some serious chatting up. Too bad their too dim to know they?ve botched the motion for the mandate that mandates the Pres to mandate the leftie mandatees to ?re-think? their policies. After reading Live?s account of it all, they just can?t take it seriously and consider it all a daft gesture.
A fortnight later. The BrownsBoyz are finding the golden letters strewn about bins.
Curtain Closed. BrownBoyz rat a**ed ? the only thing they know how to plan well.
New ICU Sabbs are John Cleese,
Terry Gilliam
Eric Idle and
Air Chief Marshal Sir Jock Stirrup of MoD (really John out of his Mufti?s)
http://www.mod.uk/DefenceInternet/AboutDefence/People/ChiefsOfStaff/ChiefOfTheDefenceStaff.htm
Cheers