Last night saw the CGCU RAG Slave Auction, held in the Union Bar, raise over £600 for charity by auctioning off various members of the student body.
At 7pm the bar started to fill out with students eager to win a bargain and take advantage of the £1 a pint behind the Union Bar.
Down on the floor and over the rainbow
First to be auctioned were Luke Dhanoa and Jonathan Downing, members of the RAG committee. They were bought by Andrew Jasudasen for £17, a masochist who requested they do a push-up for each pound spent. Hitsquad took advantage of this opportunity to add an extra slice of humiliation to the hits, getting both Luke and Jon as they completed the task in only their boxers. There was confusion at first as Tom Post, auctioneer alongside this reporter, refused to be sold along with the rest of his RAG committee, perhaps a wrong move in hindsight, as he was later made to do a sambucca rainbow (6 shots of sambucca) by John O?Loughlin, who paid £12 to see the non-drinker complete the task.
Next up was Tristan Sherliker, Guilds President. Expecting some sort of retribution for his mascotry fouls throughout the year, he was extremely nervous, but he need not have worried as not many people were interested in a man who couldn?t even make a sandwich without ending up in A&E. He was bought by Mr O?Loughlin again [£15], who was desperate to buy someone to clean his flat. Good luck Sherliker, it?s minging.
Take it all off!
The star of the night was Stephen Brown who was taken for £130 to complete three tasks including the naked kamikaze parachute run from Harrods back to college and to go to the next Council meeting in a pink tutu topless. The final eye-wincing task was set by James Skeen, a footballer which explains his twisted thinking: a full body wax. As a full body wax probably costs more than what Mr Prez sold for, the football club will be conducting it themselves, with the full experience of fresher initiations behind them. Jon Matthews, ?the Last Hack?, was bought by a small consortium for £30, to pose for a Felix centrefold on a horse, while eating the Union constitution.
Quite possibly the most disturbing part of the evening, Andrew Jasudasen then stood for auction as a Links representative. Aiding his auctioning with some well-chosen man-posing, Anjit was eventually bought by his own with Alex Ferguson whacking out £80, topped up by the rest of Links to £105 to complete the Harrod?s Run after having taken a Viagra. This reporter is a bit concerned about the easy access Links seems to have to this drug.
Hot pants and heels but no three-way kiss
Next up were Erika, Shaida and Vivien, three lovely ladies from RSM. Bidding was started by stating that the girls would do a two-way kiss for £100 and a three-way kiss for £150 but unfortunately no-one in the crowd was willing to cough up the money, apparently already satiated by the weekly Felix centrefolds and their fast internet connections. They were bought for £100 by Killian Frensch and wfriends who now have them for a day of kitchen-cleaning in hot-pants and heels.
RSM President Danny Hill had a group of supporters out in full force. Bidding started in the single pounds, but soon rose quickly as it transpired that Danny was willing to do some tonsil tennis for charity. The original target was a lady from RSM, but then suddenly crossed the gender line and onto a young man called Orlando. £70 was bid for the on-the-spot snog but Orlando refused to do it, even at the after-party in Belushi?s later.
DPFS Chris Larvin and the Guilds VPA were bought by the Environmental Society, going for £35 and £40 respectively. Larvin, not present but on the phone, was adamant he should be sold for more but no such luck, whereas this reporter was simply happy to have not been bought by a sinister syndicate who had formed to humiliate her. Guilds AAO and Hon Sec bought themselves for £20, in order to avoid a certain naked run, probably scared of the prospect of completing the run with someone who?d just taken Viagra.
The revelry continued as many from the Slave Auction moved onto party in Fulham and dBs, the crowd pleased with their purchases and the RAG coffers pleasantly puffed from the evening.