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Arif Finally Flips

Mar 04 2002 23:54

Cancer Man

An e-mail that has come into the possession of Live! reveals that C&GCU President Mustafa Arif has indeed gone insane.

This photo clearly shows Mr Arif engaging in brutal hand-to-hand combat with someone who disagreed with him.

C&GCU President Mustafa Arif became the latest City & Guilds College Union officer to go completely insane today, a transition that many appeared to have seen coming for months. Mr Arif seems to have finally blown his top in an e-mail to Imperial College Union Deputy President (Education & Welfare) David Francis on the subject of the upcoming Faculty of Engineering elections. The e-mail, a copy of which came into Live!'s possession via an intermediary who Mr Arif was foolish enough to CC it to, is worryingly revealing about his state of mind.

The e-mail in question is a reply to a message from Mr Francis sent earlier today where he commented on the 'elections special' issue of Guildsheet. "Departmental representatives: no candidates standing," said Mr Francis' e-mail, "Is this for all positions? Including the RSM? If so, why not?...Have you advertised?" Mr Arif replied that "I have not advertised the position because it gives me a sense of power knowing about things that others don't. I intend to appoint myself Dep Rep for all departments to increase my power base."

Mr Francis also asked "Why are you advertising for three Educational positions? The constitution passed at Council included provision for a undergraduate/taught postgraduate rep and a research rep...Please elaborate." Mr Arif's particularly disturbing reply was that "Actually we are going to have 10 AAOs. 5 for the Motor Club(s), 2 for web geeks, 1 for the other scum and two token reps for ICU purposes."

"Furthermore," Mr Arif added, "in future, reps will not be elected. They will be appointed by the Permanent Life Emperor of the Faculty of Engineering Students Association - which the constitution shall define as me...As soon as my empire has expanded to cover Beit Towers I shall also make myself a life sabbatical and abolish the post of DPC&S. Education and welfare will be outsourced."

The e-mail concluded with the reminder that "Notice may have been served to you that I have personally signed an execution order for Sen Ganesh. I would like to confirm that this is only the start of my latest purge." While Live! can not comment on proposed constitutional changes, we can confirm that an execution order for Sen Ganesh on behalf of the City & Guilds College Union has been blu-tacked to the wall of the C&GCU office for the past few weeks.

Mr Arif joins the list of serving C&GCU officers who have gone insane. C&GCU Treasurer Oliver Pell is believed to have finally lost the plot just before the end of December, while C&GCU Honorary Secretary Neil Madhvani appears to have been finally finished off by the stress of helping to organise the upcoming Faculty of Engineering elections.

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Discussion about “Arif Finally Flips”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.

1. Lone Gunman

Mar 05 2002 00:21

ummmm

if anyone needs a hit organised, talk to me ;o)

2. Adrian

Mar 05 2002 02:22

Why stop there Mustafa, why not make the position hereditary?

3. Sam

Mar 05 2002 12:15

Ummm....

you think any woman is going to be generous enough to let him breed?

4. Edward Piggott

Mar 05 2002 12:35

Maybe it is you ordinary students who are mad, and we Union officers are the only sane ones in Imperial College/Loony Bin.

5. Stuart Davis

Mar 05 2002 12:37

I don't understand. These all sound like sensible policies for a happy FSA. I'm with you all the way, Mustafa.

In fact, I've got two FSA's to play with. Muhahaha.

6. Mustafa Arif

Mar 05 2002 21:01

Wicked! Lets hold an emperors' convention.

7. Sam

Mar 05 2002 23:57

don't forget to hold it in the UK... because abroad you're not eligible for ICU travel subsidy...

hang on though... lets have the best of both worlds! declare the FSA offices as sovereign states, then you can have the convention in "another country" but still have minimal travel costs (unless you need some kind of litter to carry you to each other's states)

((Actually maybe we've finally found a use for spanner bearer at last ;o))

(sorry Tank!!!)

8. Stuart Davis

Mar 06 2002 13:30

Mustafa, I think we should hold it in Beit, hereinafter to be known as Beit Palace. I've got someone coming down to give me a throne fitting later in the week, so it'll be after that. And surely, if we're emporers, we can hold it where we like.

By the way, how much money have you got left in your various budgets? Those crown things are expensive, so I suggest we go halves on one for now. When we get to split next year's subvention between us, we'll be able to get everything else (orbs, sceptres, cloaks, cathedrals, etc).

9. AlphaJet

Mar 06 2002 18:16

So who's that guy with no hair in the photo?

10. Edward Rex

Mar 07 2002 12:17

Sorry Stuart, but this is a Coup d'etat. I have now appointed myself as Edward Rex, General for Life of the armies of ICU and supreme overlord of Beit Palace.

Also, Mustafa, if you try to make trouble against my new administration, I'll have to banish you for the highest of treasons.

(Only Kidding Mustafa!)

11. Mustafa Arif

Mar 07 2002 14:25

You better be! My death squads are watching...

12. Stuart Davis

Mar 07 2002 17:18

I don't like the term "death squad". I prefer "social reorganisation team".

13. Edward Rex

Mar 07 2002 19:24

Get back to your cell, Duffman!

14. Mustafa Arif

Mar 07 2002 19:29

The CIA use "death squads"? Why can't I in these War On (Beit) Terrorism?

15. Oliver Pell

Mar 07 2002 21:00

All funded by "unauthorised internal transfers", no doubt.

16. Alphajet

Mar 07 2002 21:32

Have you seen the Emperor's report to tonight's Guilds Council? (below). I think Mustafa needs to go on a stress workshop.

Have been forced into being a member of the returning committee overseeing the referendum.
We are having lots of fun meetings lasting 3.5 hours each and have given ourselves £2000 to play with. It is fun. No really.
Elections. These are even more fun to run. There will be a report on it next time.
Went to some CGCA meetings where everyone decided to argue about... faculty restructuring. Great. I can't wait for more.
This is ontop of the usual assortment of pointless Union meetings I am normally expected to attend.
Erm... My ability to actually do anything useful has been seriously impaired by the above.
I want to (be able to) cry.

Closedd This discussion is closed.