We asked you and asked you to join us, yet all week I saw a grand total of one of you, so you'll have to make do with my account, and if you're not satisfied that's your own silly fault for not getting your Londoner asses down here to see for yourselves.

Clear? Then I shall begin, but first I must of course thank all the organisers, staff and conscripted bystanders who helped make it happen.

Friday

Friday brought the 'Grand' opening of the Bar in the Beer Tent, this year named the 'Mars Bar- Alcohol Every Day Helps You Work, Rest and Play' (not sure where the work bit came into it...) I was there at 11am when it opened. Unfortunately, the beer wasn't, due to a 'mistake' (to put it politely) in the delivery, but that didn't stop us. 'I am a cider drinker,' as the Worzels say... By Friday evening, the beer had arrived, the Drinking Draughts Boards (pieces=glasses, capture=downage!) were in use, DJ Sparko was playing all those Wye Union classics... it had to be good. When we finally had to leave at about 1am, I found myself marching home across a field with a group of old boys, singing 'Far, far away' (a Wye drinking song) at the tops of our voices.

Saturday

I arrived for opening time again. Sports Day didn't actually happen, but this gave me time to make my amazing discovery, the 'Smink,' a magical (well, alcoholic!) concoction known only to anyone who was there in Cricket Week (and anyone else they subsequently told). A water slide was set up, but then taken down again rather too hastily when someone decided to have a go without getting his clothes wet. Wonder of the day was that the tennis ball didn't land on top of the barbecue once.

Slink, the College Rock Band, played a quick set, but they were clearly holding a lot back for Thursday. A village band then followed with the least cheesy music I've heard in Wye, to a mixed response, then more student DJs took over.

Sunday

After an even quieter opening time, the afternoon saw the Football v. Rugby challenges- girls first, then boys. The girls' match came down to who ignored more rules in the other game, with the rugby team only holding the Football Girls to a draw by putting the whole team in goal on a penalty kick, then running away before I could shame them all in a deciding boat race. Each boys' team won their own game by an equal margin, with the eminently fair result belying some very impressive injuries.Sunday night was a pub quiz. Unfortunately, I was in a last-minute play rehearsal until the Sport round, by which time I couldn't help my team a great deal, but that (and more?) was soon forgotten after a couple more Sminks. At closing time (a rude reminder that it was actually Sunday), suddenly realising I had been on a 'liquid diet' since Friday, I braved the burger van, which deserves serious congratulations: all week, it provided us with post-alcohol munchies, and I don't know of a single person who died of food poisoning.

Monday

Monday saw an actual cricket match in Cricket Week! Unfortunately, I missed this exceptional occurrence in order to make scarecrow heads out of cabbages. I won't give my opinion on the Exec Hustings, as I was rather too heavily involved, except to say that anything the candidates actually said was overshadowed by the Streaker on a Scooter! Then it was time for Wyezel Gummidge. Again, I was very heavily involved, but some was recorded, so hopefully you can at least see some of that for yourselves. Let's just say it could only happen in Wye, and the audience enjoyed a thorough soaking. When the play was finished, the props were instantly claimed: the straw, cabbages, hats and mock pitchfork were taken up with particular enthusiasm, and the DJs and dancing recommenced.

Tuesday

This morning I had to clear up the remaining straw (was it really only one bale?) and cabbages, while the Scavenger Hunt took place. Only three teams entered, and one of those only reached the second clue before deciding on a beer break that lasted the rest of the day. However, the Random Object contest was still keenly fought, with the Fresher Girls' choice of 'Random' ('Random James,' a student) just beating the Fourth Years' classic option of a Massey Ferguson Tractor.

Tuesday evening's 'Rocky Horror' theme saw a distinct lack of costumes (apart from Beci, myself and any I missed during my mid-evening 3-mile trek) or decorations, but again, with music playing and Sminks flowing, few complaints were heard.

Wednesday

Today saw the Massey reappearing, this time in a tractor reversing competition, with all the big, tough Agric boys boasting about their skill then failing to get around the first corner, with excuses such as, "Well, I'm used to proper tractors, I only drive John Deeres!"

The evening brought the Druids' (sorry, Meteorologists') Disco, at that 'surprise' location, the quarry. Keeping up their secrecy, every newly recruited member was recognised the moment anyone walked in, and remembered even after the vodka was cleared at 50 pence a shot!

Thursday

While the third and fourth years were off graduating ("Mum, there are all these men in funny clothes outside the Church!"-a villager girl), we finally saw the release of Odds, our unofficial (i.e. don't complain to College!) Cricket Week Magazine. I will take this opportunity to say that my place on the flowchart was not deserved, and Rosie Monnington should be aware that I have no recollection of Ratbag licking my ear, but overall I was relieved at the absence of some other events/'involvements'!

This evening was Slink's spectacular final gig, so good that they knew they could save their best song for an encore.

Friday

Friday was, of course, the day of the Commem' Ball. Impressive marquees, good food to go with our wine (lots of wine...), fire-eaters and jugglers, a band playing all the right songs and a DJ continuing that, a funfair with turns on the Dodgems for everyone... in short, a fantastic night for everyone with something to celebrate and a pretty good distraction for those without. The 6am Survivors Photograph really did come too soon, with many emotional goodbyes: they will all be missed.

You all missed out on such a lot, there really is only one solution: doing it all again next year, so you can actually come and see it. In fact, don't wait a year. Wye Charity Week is in early November.