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Live! - News

Union in Nameless Goldfish Scandal

Nov 23 2003 16:51
Gaffer Gamgee
Live! readership to choose a name for the ICU goldfish. Join the debate here!
IC Communications Department have not confirmed whether the goldfish, coloured to match the crest, will need to be rebranded.

Live has discovered that the Union?s long-serving, loyal goldfish has been forced to suffer the indignity of complete anonymity. The goldfish in question has provided a friendly and welcoming first contact for students coming into the reception for many years now. As well as the humiliating anonymity the goldfish has recently suffered a double bereavement. One of its two colleagues died last August whilst the other mysteriously disappeared a few weeks ago. The precise cause of these tragedies is unknown with the only available comment from Union sources being ?One of our goldfish is missing?. Whilst the suggestion that these two goldfish committed suicide after suffering long years of namelessness might be considered outlandish by some, it must be asked why the Union has taken such care to name lumps of metal such as Mike (the micrometer), Spanner, Bolt, Jez and Bo? yet does not care to name living, sensible creatures such as goldfish.

Faced with Union inaction to this outrage Live! is pledging to take the initiative and rectify the situation. Permission has been granted by the Union President to name the goldfish by public vote on Live!, President Arif pledging his full support with the statement ?Er okay. If you feel you must?.

We are therefore inviting you all, the people of Imperial College Union, to make suggestions for the goldfish?s name via a discussion reply to this article. The 5 best names will be selected using a stochastic process based on a Gaussian distribution. A Live! poll will be used to select the final name from these 5 by process of public vote. This is not the first time that Live! polls have played a crucial part in history. The City and Guilds Munkey was christened ?Francis? in this manner. Francis is said to be very happy with his name and is now living with Theta in Tenerife.

When told of the idea, the Union goldfish showed its enthusiasm and gratitude by swimming up to the glass wall of its tank and kissing it repeatedly.

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Discussion about “Union in Nameless Goldfish Scandal”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
1. Andy   
Nov 23 2003 17:19


Or Sykes.

And then we can kill it.

2. dude   
Nov 23 2003 20:48

How about Tafa Asif?

Nov 23 2003 21:44


Nov 23 2003 23:15


5. Seb   
Nov 24 2003 11:10

Theta is not living in Tennerife. Just 'cos you guildsmen can't find it!

Nov 24 2003 11:29

Bob is as good a name as any...... especially as all his/her friends have ended up bobbing to the surface in the past....

Nov 24 2003 11:30

One of the fish had been named Patrick as it looked like one of the stewards of the same name. I am guessing that Patrick may have moved on now...

8. Sam   
Nov 24 2003 11:47

Sorry Mich, Patrick is dead...

9. EEE   
Nov 24 2003 12:22

Goldfish should be called 'Triple E', like xXx.

Give it some class!

Nov 24 2003 13:40

How about "Sam" - in honour of his follicly challenged namesake, still swimming about in the Union long after normal retirement age.

11. Meany   
Nov 24 2003 17:00

Who cares? As far as I'm concerned, fish are only good for one thing and that eating. Mmmm... fish...

12. Anon   
Nov 25 2003 09:35


Nov 25 2003 10:31


14. Sam   
Nov 25 2003 11:32

to slightly add to Anon...

what about GeekFish?

15. ;-)   
Nov 25 2003 12:29

Or, ijustbrokethewebsitefish

16. Sam   
Nov 25 2003 12:50

No I didn't!!!


actually yes i did. sorry.

Nov 28 2003 15:02

Jaws Bush



18. n/a   
Nov 28 2003 15:20

PELL! It would complete his domination of the Union and all associated with it!

Nov 28 2003 15:21



Nov 28 2003 16:14



Nov 28 2003 18:24


22. amram   
Nov 28 2003 22:39

Ishmael ?

23. Reggie   
Nov 30 2003 01:55

In deference to other colourful figures in London student politics, why don't you call it "Lundie"?

Give it a title, e.g. Supreme President of ICU and if anything goes wrong with it, you can say "It was Lundie's fault!".

Confused? Ask Mustafa. Or read KCLSU's Roar, second issue of the year.

24. N/A   
Dec 01 2003 13:09

How about 'Michelle'?

A fitting tribute to our recently departed Office Manager.

Dec 03 2003 10:11

Fish count has now risen to three

Closed This discussion is closed.

Please contact the Live! Editor if you would like this discussion topic re-opened.


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