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Live! - News

Live! Readers Vote Overwhelmingly for SOLE

Dec 22 2003 19:24
Gaffer Gamgee
After weeks of waiting, the name of the Union goldfish is finally announced as SOLE.
The ICU DPFS has demonstrated that Goldfish Welfare is one of his top priorities.

The name SOLE, nominated as a mark of affection and respect for the mostly flawless Student On-Line Evaluation, was a clear favourite of Live! readers, taking an early lead and maintaining this for the duration for which the poll ran before coming in with 37% of the 157 votes. It's nearest contender, Michelle, nominated as a mark of affection and respect for the mostly flawless ex-Union Office Manager, held 2nd place solidly but was a full 10% behind at 27% whilst the ever unpopular Sykes, Nemo and Geekfish lingered with 15%, 12% and 9% respectively.

The poll ran for an extended period of 3 full weeks. Whilst rumours suggest this was to allow maximum opportunity for participation in the poll thereby enhancing the democratic nature of the operation, it has been confirmed that this was actually due to the Live! Editors being unavailable to report on the matter having been kidnapped by assertive but ethical aliens with a scientific interest in humanity. Having quickly realised their mistake in kidnapping engineers the aliens returned the Editors back to their natural habitat of Mech. Eng. 340 hence allowing this news report to be brought to you now.

The honour of finally being named is not SOLE the goldfish's only joy this Christmas with news of finally receiving a name coming in close succession to the arrival of 2 new colleagues; two small white baby goldfish. Goldfish expert and Union Deputy President (Finance and Services), Mike Moate, explained that baby goldfish are white till they grow up whereupon they magically turn gold (somehow...look, we're engineers not biologists).

SOLE was unavailable for comment due to being busy caring for its two new young charges, however it is said to be a little irritated at being referred to as 'it' in the absence of a gender neutral 3rd person pronoun in the English language. Nevertheless, speaking on behalf of the Union, Mike Moate was ecstatic and relieved when informed that the oldest goldfish, SOLE, has finally been named. He commented however that names would have to be sought for the two new arrivals.

Mr Moate is clearly a voice in the Union who is finally taking the matter of goldfish welfare seriously. He proposes the creation of a new Union position of Official Union Goldfish Keeper, to be elected by cross-campus ballot. Demonstrating his unremitting support to goldfish welfare he has even been seen performing the unsanitary task of cleaning the goldfish tank. The Live! picture editors have rejected claims that this trivial information was included purely to support the use of a bad photo of Mr Moate cleaning the fish tank in the dearth of any new goldfish related photographs.

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Discussion about “Live! Readers Vote Overwhelmingly for SOLE”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
Dec 23 2003 13:46
 

Mike, it is good to know that someone is looking after the fish...

I remember on one occassion coming in on the Saturday before Freshers Week to help Mark Horne clean the fish tank. It was so bad that we had to empty the fish into new homes for the day while we cleaned.

It was a fun day though. There is no proof (for the benefit of the College Fire Officers) that we stood at the back doors to the Union in old stewards tops (some of us just in our knickers and said old stewards tops) testing the cleaning ability of the upstairs foyer fire hose...

The memories :-)

Dec 28 2003 19:45
 

It's abomination that Live! reporters are wasting their time reporting about goldfish. Go find some proper news!

3. Dave   
Dec 30 2003 16:33
 

I expect he had some work to do.

Mike only ever cleans things when he has work to do :-)

Jan 02 2004 12:02
 

ArgH!!!!!

Ignorant cretins.

Closed This discussion is closed.

Please contact the Live! Editor if you would like this discussion topic re-opened.

 
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