Imperial College's entry in last weekend's Red Bull Flugtag failed to get off to a flying start, ending up firmly nose-first in the Serpentine. Despite a huge build up the flying machine, called ICarus and produced by five Mechanical Engineers as their final project, never showed any signs of flying across the lake. The team has blamed sticking controls - ICarus was attempting to take off on the runway so the controls were adjusted to keep if firmly on the ground, but could not be reset when launch time came. Students from Aeronautics have other theories: that Mechanical Engineers should stick to building lifts and leave them to the aircraft.
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Imperial's fearsome student media appears to have frightened the new Rector, Professor Sir Roy Anderson. A few months ago Live! requested an 'Ask the Rector'-style interview during this month, just before Sir Roy was due to take up his post. This request was refused on the basis that he would not have started yet, so it wasn't fair. However, Live! believes they were concerned stoic tv's attack-dog John Anderson would launch into a vicious line of questioning, before calling every answer 'wonderful'. Sir Roy's apparent fear of the media has been further revealed by events this week, where a planned interview for this week's Felix was cancelled at the last minute.
Suggestions that interviews have not been possible because Sir Roy is busy conducting vital medical research, attending internationally renowned conferences and preparing for his new role have been greeted with suspicion by Live!
As a result of the last-minute cancellation, Felix will this week contain completely made-up news. Much like last week then.
Deputy President (Clubs & Societies) Ally Cott had a brand new excuse for avoiding work this week, when his desktop PC began spewing thousands of spam emails onto the College network. Cott, who stupidly runs Windows on his Mac, was relegated to the ancient, creaking PCs in the Student Activities Centre while ICT sorted out the mess. The problem is believed to have been caused by a virus on the machine, although rumours this was caught by downloading beard-related naughty videos are thought to be unsubstantiated.
Imperial College is well known for being at the cutting-edge of scientific development, but Imperial College Union is now to lead the world in the search for new international standards. On Monday evening members of ICU Council were given a demonstration of the new standard measurement for a 'Pint'. In order to boost profits and reduce binge drinking, ICU is apparently defining a 'Pint' as somewhere around 350ml, with 100ml of head.
The ICU training regime for new casual staff will also be sold around the world, as they are by far the best at serving the new shorter measures when it gets busy.