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Out of control!

Jan 26 2005 13:41
Killer Rabbit
First the C&G Office was taken over by RAG, and now... this!
The patter of tiny coins...

When RAG's occupation of the Guilds Office began, it consisted largely of people and collecting tins.

The arrival of Jeremy, a motorised coin-sorter, was welcomed since it would mean fewer of those people would be needed to count the money raised, and those tins could be cleared away more rapidly.

Indeed, some students proposed Jeremy for President, although "Live!" are still awaiting confirmation as to whether or not he actually intends to stand for Farce! (now then, who's been playing with the auto-censor?).

When Jeremy was joined by a second machine, Jemima, this too was welcomed; indeed (and somewhat worryingly), Jemima was greeted by the assembled RAGsters with a resounding, "Phwoar!"

However, when Jeremy and Jemima were introduced to each other, the C&G Sports Officer issued some words of caution, exclaiming, "We are NOT mating them!"

But the fatal mistake appears to have taken place on January 12th, when the pair were not invited to the relaunch of ICU's Information and Advice Centre. While Union Officers were being reminded of where to send any students needing information leaflets on matters including birth control, it appears that back in the Guilds Office, the coin-sorters were demonstrating how desperately that advice was needed.

Late last night, Jemima's first brood came into the world. With the progeny containing two boys and two girls, all involved are hoping that coin-sorters are a sufficiently advanced species to realise the dangers of inbreeding.

Imperial College Researchers are divided on the subject. Many from the Faculty of Life Sciences suggested a study into the life cycle of coin sorters was needed, while those in Engineering seem to favour taking them apart. A post-graduate mechanical engineer commented that they were fairly certain they'd be able to put them back together.

The offspring have yet to be named; any suggestions (preferably 3 syllables long and beginning with "J") may be posted below.

Meanwhile, C&G Officers deny that this is the closest thing to a sex scandal that "Live!" can find this year.

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Discussion about “Out of control!”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
Jan 26 2005 17:21

My vote is for....




Jan 26 2005 17:57

That would just leave one girl nameless. Come to think of it, a certain fire engine's name would fit the bill rather well...

Jan 26 2005 18:16

But RAG can't be seen to be favouring any particular motor club. Anyway, as the coin sorters are mine (Well RAG's but that makes them my responsability) surely its up to me what I call them.

Jan 26 2005 18:50

It is with great pleasure that the RAG committee wish to announce the arrival of 4 baby coin sorters to Imperial College Union RAG Society. It was hoped that this information could have remained secret a little longer to allow Jeremy and Jemima time to recover, but sadly over zealous journalism made this impossible.

Both mother and father are doing well and are expected to be back to work in the morning although of course the new members of the family will have to grow into full size sorters before being used and are currently teething on softer plastic coins so as not to damage their gums.

We ask you to respect the privacy of the family at this special time and request that papparazzi do not try to take pictures like that shown above.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter

ICU RAG (Never knowingly drunk)

5. Anon   
Jan 26 2005 19:47

Jay, Joe, Jo, J-lo, Jem, Jen, Jan, Jez, Jet, Jac, Jos, Jill, Jim, Jon, JJ

Jan 27 2005 08:47

Nichola, whilst you would expect me to suggest that other name, I have the very bad feeling that this would make her annoyed with me.

After all, I wouldn't want a petulant fire engine on my hands...

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