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Live! - News

Absolutely nothing happens

Aug 30 2005 11:42
Arthur Dent
Is anything going on? Live! investigates
Nothing happening in Guilds

In common with most journalistic outlets Live! has discovered the annoying summer phenomenon that absolutely nothing is happening.

When asked for a comment on the distinct lack of things going on Acting CGCU president Chris McIver commented ?shall I put the kettle on? to which no one responded because no one was around because there was nothing happening worthy of turning up. Mr McIver then also added ?Nothing is happening but when it does start to happen it will all happen at once?.

Meanwhile the tumbleweed blowing through the Guilds empire has caught in the printer so even when asked to do something it refuses to print. Without this valuable piece of equipment it is unlikely that anything is going to happen soon as without posters who is going to know about it.

In search of things to write about Live! Investigated the goings on in ICU only to discover that all the Sabbs except one were not there. Rumours that this absence is linked to cheap flights from Heathrow are as yet unproven but Live! is following up leads.

The deep seated fear that the lack of activity is getting to the Live! editorial team was increased when Chris Jackson (editor) had nothing write a song about and fell unusually quiet for the unprecedented time of 3 weeks, not even a single Galileo passed his lips.

Finally, in other news the new editorial team have denied all rumours that they have nothing to write about and fill in time by writing about nothing in particular.

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Discussion about “Absolutely nothing happens”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
Aug 30 2005 21:52

Deary me, some Live reporters don't look too hard. There's plenty going on in the wacky world of cyber space. Have you seen lately. Yes, stuff has changed (for better or for worse - you the public decide!).

We now have the new Honours Shields display integrated into the site, a slightly more sensible (?!?) menu system, improved C&S pages (including, yes, you guessed it, a link to the RSM CSC!), and the first parts of a new Education and Welfare section have moved into final testing as we speak!

So to say there's nothing going on when stuff is patently happening .. oh, I'll have to sulk now.

  • ---

PS. Is anyone from Ethos out there? All I have is an entry on the old website. I'd really like to put stuff up about you if you exist. Is anyone there? Please...

Aug 30 2005 23:25

But monkey of the web, how many students actually care about these developments? Surely Live has to put up stories about things people want to read otherwise it would be called Felix.

3. Sam   
Sep 05 2005 14:13

Dear Monkey of the Web,

I suggest you need to eat some more peanuts, because you have been slacking in your duties.

Behold here: an unfinished picture...

Sep 05 2005 16:47

Where on earth do you find the time to flick through a hundred shield photographs Sam?

Don't you have a job these days?

Sep 05 2005 18:33


So much so he can even blog about it...

6. Sam   
Sep 06 2005 00:57

Actually John,

your webmonkey is much better than you give him credit for. If you select the dropdown list that picks years and view a photo, then use your scoll-wheel while the list is still highlighted, you can use it to flick instantly up and down the list - scrolling 114 shields took seconds and I'm sure Ed appreciated the heads-up after all the good work he has done.


If only I could combine my Live! uberprivileges with my ICT uberprivileges to see who posted from such an unusual machine... perhaps my intuition will guide me instead...

Sep 06 2005 09:27

Fair enough Sam. Now that I'm paying taxes I'm keen to get good value from dedicated public servants such as yourself!

Once again, well done to the monkey for all his hard work its superb results. I am sure he will be rewarded with a bounty of bananas in good time...

8. Sam   
Sep 06 2005 11:35


You don't pay nearly enough in tax to give me the salary I deserve - you need to earn more.


9. Dan L   
Sep 08 2005 13:37

John why are you paying taxes while you are still a student?

You don't want to end up paying Mr Sharpe's salary :)

Sep 08 2005 21:31

Because I haven't got round to reclaiming what tax I can before Mr Sharpe gets his hands on it...

11. Sam   
Sep 16 2005 01:02

Mail me, I'll send you my account name and sort code - lets cut out this middle man c**p.

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