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"Media Rule" Declared

Mar 01 2007 17:01
William the Conquerer
Following the failure of ICU to elect a new sabbatical team, the student media have declared their intention to take control.
The new dictator, Sykes the Inhaler

With yet another elections farce delaying the results, ICU's media organisations have had enough. Media rule is hereby declared, resulting in sweeping changes to the way the Union is run.

The first change will see the current sabbatical team incarcerated in a dungeon deep in the depths of Beit, where they will be served nothing but cold coffee and forced to read their own reports every day until August.

Elections will be re-run with immediate effect, with all candidates entering ICU's very own "big brother house", a small tent in Beit Quad. Every day the student body will be invited to evict one person by telephone vote, with all profits going to a media bar night. The five contestants remaining at the end will be randomly assigned sabbatical positions: after all, they don't need to do anything with the media in charge.

Disputes with College will be resolved by printing A0 posters with photos of the evil people responsible for them, which will be plastered across the South Kensington area. Maths lecturers, known within engineering to be quite useless at teaching the subject to engineers, will all receive harsh punishment: having to teach at secondary schools in Brixton.

Felix Editor and dictator-in-chief Andy Sykes declared "the media have taken control of the union for the good of the people. continue to go about your daily business; we are here for your protection. viva la revolucion!"

Student Respect and the Socialist Worker Student Society were said to be overjoyed at the instatement of a brutal dictatorship with full control of the media. George Galloway is expected to arrive at any moment to pledge his support to the cause. On hearing of Galloway's visit the Live! Editor, soon to take delivery of his new torture devices, said merely "off with his head". stoic tv are expected to film this event, with the footage being projected onto Beit Hall before every council. This will serve as a warning against bringing stupid motions mentioning "neo-liberal restructuring", which have been copied from the Respect website.

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Discussion about “"Media Rule" Declared”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
Mar 01 2007 17:09


Mar 01 2007 18:30

Considerably more interesting than the usual news on Live! - i.e. that concerning what Sabbs actually do...

Mar 02 2007 08:33

Fantastic plan! I'm in.

Mar 02 2007 09:27

Why are you keeping so many sabbs? If you evict more then you'll have more money for bar nights, and the money saved on salaries could be used to put statues of the media club chairs in the quad.

Mar 02 2007 09:39

Salaries? Who said anything about salaries?

If they don't need to do anything they don't need to be paid. It's just the Government insists on some sort of democracy, so we may as well keep some unpaid figureheads.

The statues idea is a good one.

Mar 05 2007 10:01

I can't believe I voted for Sykes last year...oh dear oh dear!

How do I join big brother?

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