Four Senior Union Officers, including three members of CGCU Executive and one ICU Sabbatical, have vanished this evening after a brutal attack organised by members of the RCS and RSM. The disappearance of the Officers, who are thought to be held hostage by the Motor Clubs of their rival Faculty Unions, has been hailed as a revenge ploy after the humiliation caused by Wooden Horse, and in particular current DPFS Christian Carter, throughout the last year.
Carter, who posed naked for Felix with stolen RSM mascot Davy, is one of the four to go missing. Early indications are that he was knabbed along with the three Guildsmen but speculation in Beit Towers has pointed to plans for Carter to relocate his office to the Faculty Building and a position more 'fitting to his stature'. This comes alongside reports that Carter wished to escape 'those pesky students and their monotonous questioning'. The other hostages are Guilds VPA, Matt Taylor; VPFS, John 'JJ' James and Welfare Officer/Live! Editor, Kirsty Patterson.
CGCU President, Mark Mearing-Smith, is thought not to have noticed the disappearance of his other senior offices due to constantly having his earphones in.
Sources close to the kidnappers have revealed that the three have been moved to a secret location near the Isle of Wight and they will be moved at an unspecified date to deepest darkest Dorset. No ransom has been demanded with threats that the trio will be faced with ten days of cruel and demoralising torture such as being forced to wear RCS Motor Club attire, restricted to facilities such as port-a-loos and being subjected to JJs cooking. Furthermore both Motor Club chairs are said to be trained experts in an ancient form of torture known as "split pinning".
The RCS and RSM Motor Club Chairmen, who wish to remain anonymous, have tonight released a joint, and utterly pointless, statement:
"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Live! Editor, Kirsty Patterson, managed to also release a short statement as she was dragged away to the getaway vehicle. Addressing the following to her readers, Ms Patterson said:
"Talk amongst yourselves!"
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