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Sabbatical Election Results 2009

Mar 17 2009 16:40
Private IC
With record turnout of over 2,000 voters, Live! has the scoop on this year's un-awaited Sabbatical Election results. (Despite the fact they haven't been announced yet.)
The winning team... whaddafuh?


ICU President elect

The Presidential race was set to be tough but, once the opposition had been made to disappear, it wasn't hard for opposition supporters to be beaten... to death. Next year the tireless dictatorship will resume with the whole electorate quaking in their shoes. Unfortunately our President elect isn?t quite old enough to pop his clogs just yet (but it?s pretty close).

  • Robert Mugabe: 2,364 - ELECTED
  • Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli: 2

Deputy President (Finance and Services)

DPFS elect

Back by popular demand, our resident lovable fraudster has been elected on more false promises. Good job that Gordon didn?t get in though, better to cock our finances up on purpose than by accident.

  • Gary Tanaka: 1,276 - ELECTED
  • Gordon Brown: 629

Deputy President (Clubs and Societies)

DPCS elect

Despite a sterling effort, good looks and charm didn?t quite work for Ms Kournikova this time, being closely beaten by outdoors veteran Ellen MacArthur. Keep that sports bra ready though dear!

  • Ellen MacArthur: 985 - ELECTED
  • Anna Kournikova: 924

Deputy President (Education)

DPE elect

Baby faced Aled was blown out of the water by Maverick in this resounding onslaught. George Galloway is still standing in Trafalgar Square recoiling from Mavericks jet wash as he disappears to patrol the middle east.

  • Lt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell: 876 - ELECTED
  • Aled Jones: 576
  • George Galloway: 291

Deputy President (Welfare)

DPW elect

The victor in the Welfare election is no stranger to emergency situations. Loony Luna Lovegood was no match although Alan Davies' loveable fluffy hair made him a more formidable opponent.

  • Fireman Sam: 765 - ELECTED
  • Alan Davies: 682
  • Luna Lovegood: 1/2


Felix Editor elect

Katie's new ideas and good looks seem to have clinched the election for Felix Editor. Highly experienced Rupert Murdoch put up a brave fight and Piers Morgan's arrogant attitude did him no favours. Of course, it had nothing to do with Ms Price's involvement in Page 3.

  • Katie Price: 658 - ELECTED
  • Rupert Murdoch: 534
  • Piers Morgan: 391
ICU Returning Officer

The following statement was released by ICU Returning Officer, Beaker, just before the results were announced:

"Thank you all for taking part in the elections, and being part of a record turnout. It really has been superb to be part of this election. Even though it has been hard work, I'm really glad we've had no major complaints as this has made my life so much easier."

Any similarities to candidates, living or dead, is completely intentional. I mean, unintentional. Ahem...

In all seriousness nearly 2,000 votes have been cast in the ICU Sabbatical Elections so far leaving you just over seven hours to have your say at before voting closes tonight.

Also, entries for this year's Live! Competition are coming in (not so) thick and fast. Email us your predictions and you will be in with a very high chance of winning a ticket to this year's Summer Ball. Entries are also due in before midnight!!!

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Discussion about “Sabbatical Election Results 2009”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
Mar 17 2009 16:51

I'm p***ing myself laughing. Even if I haven't been predicted to be elected here...

Mar 17 2009 17:36



3. Milli   
Mar 17 2009 17:46

This is really well done!

4. Alice   
Mar 17 2009 18:08

Love it!

Mar 17 2009 19:27

Don't just post in the discussion - enter the competition!!!

(Or I'll keep the ticket myself. :oP)

6. urgh   
Mar 17 2009 21:07


also, the rest of it is about as funny as cancer.

plz try harder.

Mar 18 2009 01:17

This article has totally ruined fireman sam for me

It's late and we're drunk but we're so glad the elections are over and whoever wins, none of us will run again next year

Mar 18 2009 10:20


I guess you don't subscribe to Private Eye? As sarcasm is the lowest form of wit maybe political satire is a bit too much for you.

Mar 18 2009 10:54

I want a subscription to private eye now.

11. Mike   
Mar 19 2009 09:30

i love Katie Price

12. urgh   
Mar 20 2009 13:56

I do, as a matter of fact.

The difference between the Eye and this is that the Eye is funny, and this isn't.

They do a much better Mugabe joke (cf the cover with Mugabe and the election.)

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