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Live! - Opinion

This article is an opinion piece and should be taken as such. It is highly likely to be biased, but either the article itself or the ensuing discussion will probably be entertaining. Live! takes no editorial line on opinion pieces.

Is it an Agric? Is it a Wyeboy?

Jul 30 2003 13:22
Catherine Ward
No! It?s a Londoner! Camouflaging hats aren't enough to disguise the identity of a mysterious individual spotted at Wye recently.
What are you planning to do with that photo?!

Yes, gentle reader, I was as amazed as you at the news of a Londoner in Wye, but when I went to investigate, my suspicions were confirmed by the presence of a full pint of beer in his hand for more than four seconds. This was definitely not a native, even under the camouflaging Wyezel Gummidge hat.

We have seen the rare species known as the Lesser-Spotted-Londoner in Wye before, though very infrequently. This can be put down to the intolerance of the species of anything rural, as their natural habitat contains very few tractors, horses, Land Rovers or Agrics. The home territory of the average Londoner will encompass at least one tube station and from previous experience we know that they are readily able to recite large chunks of the Underground map from memory. This ability to find their way gives out as soon as you get them away from tarmac and concrete and onto a proper dirt track, preferably between fields of livestock. Given the task of guiding a party of students back from the Compasses after dark, a Londoner would invariably plough through hedges, ditches and barbed wire, finally coming to rest in a snoring heap in the middle of the road. On some occasions this can be judged as forgivable as our own dear president generally follows the same route after a pint or ten.

The Londoner in question was the only one spotted during Cricket Week by the Fresher girlies of the Performing Arts Society, who had been trying to entice various members of the South Ken subspecies into Wye throughout the year with promises of beer and a floor to kip on. These generous offers were spurned in favour of a concrete landscape and a Summer Ball with a puny fairground, even when the Union was offering free transport to our splendid Commem Ball.

When the self confessed ?Random Londoner? was approached, he had this to say for himself, ?What are you planning to do with that photo??. To some Wye students, the elusive Londoner has gained Loch Ness monster status, in that they won?t believe that you?ve seen one without photographic proof, thus the experienced Londoner spotter should a carry a camera at all times. This must be a good camera, as you will never persuade sceptics with a blurry photo. The picture shown above, will soon be winging its way towards a fraud detection lab in order to check that the Wyezel hat and the Wye Beer Tent haven?t been superimposed onto a picture of a Londoner in his natural habitat.

Anyway, happy Londoner spotting, gentle reader and remember: ?All roads lead to Wye, people just travel along them the wrong way sometimes.?

Note to Londoners: ?We?re from Wye and you?re all?? um? silly people.

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Discussion about “Is it an Agric? Is it a Wyeboy?”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
Jul 30 2003 13:23

Havn't got the hang of abstracts, now have we Cat?

Jul 30 2003 13:39

I think most people who walk around south ken have been plowed down by a land rover.

Jul 30 2003 14:11

And we are, we are C&G, ooo-ay, something or another...

Jul 30 2003 14:18

Hmmm, my cover seems to have been blown. I must research camouflage tactics more carefully, and perhaps disguise my Arcane Knowledge of the LU by undergoing some sort of Total Recall stylee memory implantation process to replace it with in-depth knowledge of Field Navigation. I must also warn all other 'Agents' to beware apparently innocent-looking persons of thespianic tendancy, who seem well versed in the skills of detection. This operation must not be allowed to fail, the IC Radio Plan for World Domination verily hangs in the balance of its success.

This message is top secret, and will self-destruct in 5 seconds. Um. Hopefully. Doh ...

Jul 30 2003 20:33

Don't worry, Dame Hilda and I will get you a pair of muddy wellies to wear (clean ones are even more conspicuous than Londoner shoes) and a straw to chew on. That should blend you in a bit more. To be on the safe side, you should say "oo-arr" more often and know the words to the Combine Harvester song of by heart.

6. C!   
Jul 31 2003 18:19

Whats an Argic?

Aug 01 2003 14:28

An Argic or possibly even an Agric is an Agricultural student in the same way that a Medic is a student doctor. A prize for whoever can guess what a Hortic is. Yes, its another Wye-based breed. I myself am a "tree-hugging-hippy" due to being an Environmental Biologist.

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