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This article is an opinion piece and should be taken as such. It is highly likely to be biased, but either the article itself or the ensuing discussion will probably be entertaining. Live! takes no editorial line on opinion pieces.

My Experiments with Truth

Nov 02 2004 18:00
Dirk Gently
The sober reality of something or other.
Some girls (male IC students have been known to forget what they look like)

The events of the Freshers? Ball this past weekend, highlighted to me as a man, some subtle differences between men and women. You see, being the geek that I am, I chose to sit on the benches which adorn the path between the MDH and the temporary marquee, with a fellow geek, rather then part-take in the festivities; and a casual glance towards the marquee and MDH revealed the sight of several women walking past, drunk, dressed as women in parties do and obviously enjoying themselves. I took this opportunity to discuss the question that has troubled mankind for generations, the question that all men have asked but never had the ability to investigate: When women dress as they do, do they mind if men look, or is it rude?

To investigate, we, I mean I, decided to ask one of the ladies, if they would mind if I viewed their ?boobies? as I called them. I was ready for the abuse and the slaps, but I would take the pain in the name of science and betterment of mankind. So, as we sat watching, a beautiful blonde girl with a slightly short skirt and a top which can only be called a ?cloth which hid her boobies? thingy, walked past. I pounced on this golden opportunity, and with my adrenaline pumping called after her, once I got her attention I asked her if she would accompany me to the bench, which she did, and here is the conversation that took place:

Me: Hi, are you enjoying the ball?

Blonde Girl 1: Yeh

Me: Are you a fresher?

Blonde Girl 1: No, I am a 3rd yr.

Me: Oh shit! Ok, anyways can I ask you

a question? (I said Oh shit! because there

is a greater probability of a drunk fresher

agreeing to my demand than one, who

has been at IC longer.)

Blonde Girl 1: Yeh sure

Me: Can I feel your boobies?

Blonde Girl 1: (Exasperated, confused, laughing) Nooo!

So that was the end of that, but no my friends, walking back to the bench I was partly glad at not being slapped and partly dismayed as the candidate did not meet our criteria: Fit, Blonde, Drunk, Fresher and dressed appropriately. (These words are ingredients for a wild night). So, again I decided to seek out the ?perfect candidate?, there was a girl in sight, which fit the description perfectly. I along with my accomplices walked into the MDH, where the dancing was in full swing, I dodged the hips of men and collided mine with those of willing females, I ended up in the centre of the dance floor surrounded by friends, and as we broke into singing ?No sweet child of mine? I noticed the candidate vigorously doing what can only be described as a lot of gyration and almost obscene body contact. At the end of the song, I walked up behind our candidate and tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if I could have a word. As I took her just outside the circle of dancers, the following conversation took place:

Me: Hi, are you enjoying the ball?

The Perfect Candidate or Blonde Girl

2: Yeh

Me: Are you a fresher?

The Perfect Candidate or Blonde Girl

2: Yeh

Me: What department are you from?

(which due to the loud music she interpreted as ? Whats your problem??)

The Perfect Candidate or Blonde Girl 2: What?s my problem? (confused look on face)

Me: No, I meant what department are you from?

The Perfect Candidate or Blonde Girl 2: Oh, Biology.

Me: Oh, brilliant.

Me: Can I ask you a questions?

The Perfect Candidate or Blonde Girl 2: Yeh

Me: Can I feel your boobies?

The Perfect Candidate or Blonde Girl 2: (A long hard stare, during which period I could almost feel her hand hitting my face, but alas no.)

Obviously not. She then walked off in total exasperation, and perhaps some anger, whilst I shook myself from the trance I was in and congratulated myself on a perfect survey. So what did I learn from demeaning myself in front of beautiful strangers (breaking into a song), and drafting a very worrying reputation of myself: well I learned that women, be they completely naked in a strip club or drunk and frisky in a disco, still have their dignity and will. They have higher morals than men do, they may dress to attract attention, but boys hold yourselves, observe from a distance and enjoy, its not a free-for-all. Men on the other hand, have low standards and well several of my friends for example would jump at the chance if a beautiful girl walked up to them and asked if she could feel their genitalia. But men, do not despair, women themselves may be to blame, they seek attention, they seek fantasy, while the fundamental aims of both sexes is the same that of a wild night! This may simply imply, that women are hypocrites. But you see, if my question is taken completely out of situation, i.e. no music, no drunk girls, it is actually very rude, in fact extremely disturbing to anyone, and for that I apologise. All in all it was an interesting night, and highlighted that even if you are at a social gathering, it does not mean you cannot study, be it the study of human behaviour and difference in their attitudes. If you think that asking two women if you can ?feel their boobies? is not enough and a larger sample size is required, go ahead and continue my work, but I do not take any responsibility for the repercussions. Obviously, I cannot go out any more, as apparently the first blonde girl was the girlfriend of one of the ?Links? boys, the rough drinking, rugby boys? club.

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Discussion about “My Experiments with Truth”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
1. Ha Ha   
Nov 03 2004 10:17
 

Wa*ker

Nov 03 2004 16:04
 

funny-ish.

Jul 24 2005 19:41
 

This was a bait-and-switch set-up in this column. You tell the reader that you're going to have the women asked if their boobies can be looked at, not touched. But then the questions directed at the women asks if their boobies can be touched. You're lying to us big time, and therefore you're not to be trusted.

Closed This discussion is closed.

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