Sun 25 Feb 2018
- The award-winning student news website of Imperial College

Know something you shouldn't? Tell us, using our quick, 100% anonymous tip-off form!

Live! - Opinion

This article is an opinion piece and should be taken as such. It is highly likely to be biased, but either the article itself or the ensuing discussion will probably be entertaining. Live! takes no editorial line on opinion pieces.

Hacked Off Bows Out with a Song

Mar 02 2005 17:54
Hacked Off
A rather bitter final Sketch from this writer, a song to serenade Council

(Editor: I don't know what it was about that meeting that's turning all our columnists into aspiring song-writers, I personally suspect a Sing-along-a-RAG-Mag-related conspiracy.

Oh, and these are opinion columns. The views expressed are, as ever, the writers' own.)

Yes, the Council no-confidence meeting could be cast in a wry light:

"I come not to burry Mustafa, but to praise him"... "I'm sorry but I'm not totally stupid"... Filibuster...

And of course, I could write at length about the most amusing man on council: Citizen Smith. Only frankly, Mr Smith's contribution to last nights meeting was actually (bar the odd comment about rotten barrels vs. rotten apples) well thought out and pertinent. The problem about Rotten Apples (the current President) is that they tend to rot the rest of the apples in the entire barrel, or at least make them go rather soft.

The target of this column is Council as a whole. This song is for you.


A long, long time ago...

But I can still remember,

How the Union used to make me smile;

And I thought if we spoke up loud

That we could win those Sabbs around,

Then we would have leadership with style.

But council meetings make me shiver

With every paper he'd deliver,

Concerns under carpet swept

Promises left un-kept-

I thought then: "He must be fired,"

When I read about what he tried to hide,

But at least someone stood up and tried,

The day the Union died.


_So why, why d'ya let this Mustafa guy

_Weasel out of Council

_Without a rough ride?

_How can we have a Union when Council's no pride?

_Oh, This is why the Union died,

_This is why the Union died.

Did you read the regulation stuff,

And do you have faith in 'tafa's guff,

If he tells you so?

Should he alone re-write the roles,

Re-interpret the Union's soul?

You should have stood up to him and said no!

They tried their best to reign him in,

When they read about the Union Gym-

It didn't do no good,

I don't know why I thought it would!

What a lousy bunch of useless hacks-

What we need most is what you lack,

There's no spine holding up your back,

And so, the Union's died.

_That's why, why ya let this Mustafa guy

_Weasel out of Council,

_Without a rough ride?

_How can we have a Union when Council's no pride?

_Oh, This is why the Union died,

_This is why the Union died.

Oh, and there they all are in one place,

Though some are just blanked out space

It's too late to start over again.

So come on: jack be nimble, jack be slick,

Jack knows why this mud won't stick

Cause roll-call's turning out to be a rend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage,

My hands were clenched in fists of rage-

Not a hope in hell

Of breaking that man's spell.

And as the flames climbed high into the


To light the sacrificial rite,

I saw him laughing with delight

The day the Union died.

_So why, why d'ya let this Mustafa guy

_Weasel out of Council,

_Without a rough ride?

_How can we have a Union when Council's no pride?

_Oh, This is why the Union died,

_This is why the Union died.

They went to give him their views

About these Strategic Reviews,

But he just went and did it anyway.

I think we all know the score-

It's just not like it was before,

So why should anybody want to play?

When I saw him on the rack,

My heart went out to that Union Hack,

But they didn't pass his motion

The Council's spine was broken.

And the eight men I admire the most:

They upheld their Union Posts,

It's time to give up the ghost

Because the Union's died.

Email this Article | Share on Facebook | Print this Article

Discussion about “Hacked Off Bows Out with a Song”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
Mar 02 2005 17:56

This trend for song-articles is worrying me.

Largely because they take five times as long to edit.

Largely because I end up singing them to myself, and if you thought my attitude to misplaced apostrophes was obsessive you should see me when I'm also worried about the number and emphasis of syllables in each line.

Mar 02 2005 18:25

Don't worry Nichola, my next offering is already in the pipeline.

Mar 02 2005 18:28

ahh, sweet memories that photo brings back.

4. Seb   
Mar 02 2005 18:29


Looks like the one verse that was a direct quote from the orrigional got edited.

5. web   
Mar 02 2005 19:46

Interesting place for a character to display incorrectly, taken from the strategic review web page:

"What students want and need from their Union is changing and so the Union needs to manage its resources and optimise their effectiveness so that we serve you ? our student members ? better. "

6. web   
Mar 02 2005 19:46

(The same page says ICU has an annual turnover of 6 million question marks. To me that seems a conservative estimate.)

7. Sam   
Mar 04 2005 17:44


Your last comment is by far the funniest thing I have read on this subject. Well done for making me laugh out loud!

Closed This discussion is closed.

Please contact the Live! Editor if you would like this discussion topic re-opened.


Live! Poll

How frequently would you like to see a CGCU magazine being published