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This article is an opinion piece and should be taken as such. It is highly likely to be biased, but either the article itself or the ensuing discussion will probably be entertaining. Live! takes no editorial line on opinion pieces.

Hacked Off - New Year Special

Jan 05 2004 15:28
Hacked Off
Hacked Off imagines what Council members might have wished for at Christmas.
Were our Council members good children last year?

Who better to start with than our dear leader, Mustafa Arif. Mr Arif has already asked for more motions , but with a relatively successful year, what could be more appropriate to ask for than re-election? However, has Mr Arif ended up on Santa’s naughty list? Not content with insulting council for failing to hold him to account for his, as yet undiscovered, misdemeanours could Mr Arif be plotting something sinister? Perhaps his online voting proposal for Sabbatical elections since, as the well known hat wearer and general critic Tom Tibbits pointed out at last council, Mr Arif has a record of “demonstrating” the lack of security in online LEQs? Hacked Off predicts that Santa may have delivered only coal this year.

Speaking of Mr Tibbits, the ICU’s Welfare Campaigns Officer’s wish list is probably the most ambitious: an energy efficient college, bike racks, affiliation to CAMRA for ICU’s bars (and the newsletter that comes with it) all being part of Mr Tibbits veritable motion of motions at the last meeting of Council. Sadly however, Hacked Off predicts that sometime in the near future Santa will probably deliver Top-Up fees for Mr Tibbits.

Moving on to Council Chair, Oliver Pell, Hacked Off wonders what he could possibly want. The usually long suffering incumbents of ICU’s toughest position generally suffer from intolerable strains on the bladder, being unable to sneak out mid way through a meeting. But with only one Council meeting breaking the two hour norm of last year, Hacked Off mischievously suggests that someone get Mr Pell a couple of pints of coke prior to each meeting, just to make sure that it stays that way. The only other thing Mr Pell might need is a mute button for the mic to block of the tirades from unruly Council Members and the various lobby groups that coalesce for meetings, and perhaps a cattle prod to keep Council quorate.

Deputy President Richard Walker will be upset, no doubt, at the continued failure of the Establishment to recognise his status following the news that he will not be the recipient of a New Year Honours. With it becoming apparent before Christmas that nearly every other notable in the country was either receiving an honour or turning one down, perhaps this explains his Excellency’s apparent hostility to Christmas.

Deputy President Mike Moate, meanwhile, will have been opting out of feeding the materialistic greed that goes with the season, and seeking food for the soul. Or sleep by the looks of him.

While not actually a member of Council (yet), Hacked Off would like to finish by speculating what the infamous champion of democracy Colin “Citizen” Smith and the Socialist Workers Students Society (surely a contradiction in terms?) wanted for Christmas. Perhaps an end to the dogma of the pro-imperialist, Bush backing bourgeoisie and democratic revolution in Council? In what is possibly a manner similar to Mr Arif, it seems the SWSS are not content to wait for Santa (an opiate of the masses or redistributive wonder?) and may be have been laying the ground last term. With several SWSS members standing for Union positions on manifestos demanding increased democracy. However, one wonders what can be achieved from the lofty heights of the Student Development Committee, which has authority only over the training courses offered by the Union. Much beloved of Mr Moate, perhaps it’s re-education time for fascist imperialists?

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Discussion about “Hacked Off - New Year Special”

The comments below are unmoderated submissions by Live! readers. The Editor accepts no liability for their content, nor for any offence caused by them. Any complaints should be directed to the Editor.
1. ant   
Jan 05 2004 23:26

"affiliation to CAMARA for ICU?s bars (and the newsletter that comes with it)"

I'm sure affliation to 'CAMRA' would be more useful, never heard of these CAMARA people.

2. tom t   
Jan 06 2004 09:48

What an excellent article! Though Hacked Off you really should read my wonderful motions more carefully - it is indeed CAMpaign for Real Ale..

glug glug

Jan 06 2004 21:23

Indeed this article is entertaining, although I don't actually recall what took place in this meeting because it took place nearly a month ago! Last year Live! used to get reports in about 10 minutes after each coucncil meeting had finished. If "Hacked Off" wishes to become Live!'s definitive voice on council meetings, methinks we're going to need a slightly faster response rate...

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